Unique Wedding Cakes

It's wedding season, and all the excited Brides are busily planning their weddings. From flowers, to guest lists, to the dress, the meal and the wedding cake, all the details are carefully prepared.
While I realize that it's nice to be different and unique in some ways, some carry 'different' a little too far.
My search has brought me many unusual cakes.
In other words... WHAT WERE THEY THINKING????

I Oughta Be Ashamed

I love movies. As a matter of fact I'm quite a movie buff. I have an affection for black and white films. The suspense they created with shadows and a dark set has long since died and been replaced by big budget special effects. By today's standards most old films can be considered corny and overacted. Obviously the sets and effects were small potatoes compared to what they currently achieve.
While I am most content to sit at home and view an exceptional oldie, most films today require a large screen to be truly appreciated. For the sensational visuals and panoramic filming, a movie theatre is a must.
Aside from the draw of the big screen, there is another very notable justification for attending a movie theatre, the popcorn. Simply put, I am a popcorn junkie. An authentic, genuine cellulose, fructose, carb aficionado. If I know ahead of time, I'll skip dinner to indulge in a large, hot buttered popcorn. Oh, but not just buttered, no-sir-ee. It then has to be delicately and systematically adorned with a powdered topping. A high sodium, zero nutrition topping. Of course anyone who knows anything about sprinkled toppings knows for certain that you need butter to make it stick to the popcorn.
Concession Person: "Would you like butter on that?"
Me: "Yes please, and can you layer that for me?"
What am I thinking ? Have I no respect for my body?
Now I make my way into the theatre where I scan for the perfect spot. I don't need to be dead center to the screen. I prefer to be off to the side where a select few are seated. I make sure I get there early enough because I simply can't see a movie without viewing all of the opening credits. If I walk in during opening credits, I'm late and the movie is ruined for me. (see Anal Retentive post).
I settle in, remove my coat, turn off my cell and eagerly dive into my indulgence. This is my Eden. Euphoria sets in and all is right with the world.
Ok, so here's the downside to my delight.
Ready for some staggering stats? A large UNBUTTERED popcorn has about 80 grams of fat, more than 50 of them saturated. That's almost three day's worth of saturated fat, that's like eating six Big Macs. Succumb to the butter on your large popcorn and you'll raise the fat to close to 130 grams. (Add another 2 Big Macs.)
(Heavy sigh)
So whats a popcorn enthusiast to do? I think I'll consider an alternative the next time. Perhaps I'll bring apple slices, low fat granola or dried soy beans or maybe a bag of grapes!

HaHaHaHaaa!! naahhhhhhhhh

I know it's wrong. I'm so ashamed.
But I'm honest. I prefer junk food at the movies. There. I said it.

HotButteredFingerLickingAddictingFormingNeverDuplicatedAtHomePopcorn!
All I need is a little excercise.

I swear I'll do butt clenches all through the movie.

Versions of Me

I wanted to personalize my blog a bit.

Most people put a picture of themselves on their blogs... tiny thumbnail head shots. Cute. But not me. I searched and searched for an interesting picture of myself, but since I despise being in front of a camera there are very few to choose from. There's something about standing still, frozen for seconds that seem like hours with a fake smile stuck on my face... I just don't like it. The few that I did find on my computer I have managed to deface with facial hair and devil horns. Those pictures wont do. So how do I find something appropriate. Something personal. Something that says 'Me'. A little creativity with the help of the internet and I've managed to come up with these.

Perhaps you can help me choose.

There's this one.

This seems vaguely familiar.

It's somewhat me.
She looks bored enough.
It's my shade of lipstick.
I like the hair. The hair is good, but I'm not much into the sensible shoes.

This might do.

And then there's this one.

This is me in the morning.

The hair is fitting for the early a.m.

Again, the eyes are characteristic of a.m. and p.m.

(and much of the day between).

But this is a good likeness.

Then I thought I could show what I might look like in the future.

It seems I've stopped colouring my hair.

Contacts are a thing of the past obviously.

Must have lost the tweezers.

And of course a drink in my hand. Classic.

I suppose this is the closest likeness of me.

That's Coco...it's a pretty good likeness of her too.

That's me, outstanding in my field. Ha!
Notice the health food in my hand. Notice the snarl on my face, the two go hand in hand.

Maybe I can use one of these. You can help me decide.

Oh yeah, and if I were an M&M , I'd be...

Cheers !

My Mother The Surfer

My mother is 70coughcoughsomethingcough years old.

She didn't have a particularly easy childhood having lost both parents by the time she was a mere 16 years old. There really wasn't much opportunity for a woman who had to quit school years before graduating to help with the household. But she managed.

She's one of the hardest workers I know. As a matter of fact she's still working. She can shop circles around any 30 year old. She can clean a house in a frenzied like state. She can garden and decorate and paint and even has her own tool box. She's quite a spark plug!
But never, ever in my wildest dreams did I ever think she would be online.

After asking about computers for a couple of years and expressing an interest in learning, we (my daughter and I) reluctantly passed on my daughters old laptop to her a few months ago. Reluctantly you ask? Damn straight. It was NOT an easy decision. My daughters and I mulled over the decision together. Family meetings were called, hours spent in huddles whispering and agonizing over the decision before finally awarding her the culprit. As my mother gleefully pried the laptop out of my white-knuckled, clenched fists I knew my life was about to change.

I grew up in a very tight knit family, calling each other at least several times a week, but my mother has always enjoyed a good phone call and already observes that practice several times daily. Now that she had a 5 lb foreign object she had no idea how to use in her possession, what was to become of me ?

At first I passed her on to Jessica, my daughter.

"Jess, Nanny is on the phone she wants to know something about the computer.. since it was yours maybe you could help her, I'm not sure I know what to do." I said slyly.

Jess is a real firecracker. Didn't take more than one phone call before she conveniently made herself absent when the phone rang again.

"Lisa, how do I put in someones email number?"

"My computer won't turn on"

"My computer won't turn off"

"How do I look at a picture"

"What do you mean 'desktop?'"

"When I type an email, where do I type it?"

"Where does it go?"

"Where is the AT sign?"

"Do I type underscore in?"

It would be nice if the odd email from her replaced the odd phone call, but right after she sends the email she calls you to see if you got it.

Anyway, months have passed and the phone calls aren't as frustrating. She has succeeded in learning a good number of things. I'm proud of her. She's emailing and embedding and forwarding, searching and surfing, she even uses the term 'email address' now.

Who knows, maybe someday she'll show me how to use Facebook.

Lies I've Told My Children

I'm a good parent. Really I am.

From my early days as a fumbling mother of a newborn I have vowed to be the very best parent I could be. From my perspective that meant caring for, loving unconditionally, teaching right from wrong and of course setting a good example.

It all seemed so easy. But as they got older, curious and inquisitive, things began to get a little more complicated.
It just wasn't so black and white anymore. So this good mother turned into a good liar.

The catalogue of falsehoods:

(well ok, a small sampling)

1) Until my children we're well over the acceptable age of believing, they believed in Santa Claus. My eldest would go to school and INSIST there was a Santa, years after most kids gave up the ghost.

2) The Tooth Fairy existed long after my kids had a full set of adult teeth. ( I kept that one going a little too long).

3) The Easter Bunny's trails of chocolate eggs leading to hidden treasures went until my kids were....... wait..... they still buy into that fib. (although I think they're playing me on this one.)

4) All meat is chicken. I say this and laugh now, but my youngest (who is almost 18) STILL calls all meat chicken. I did this simply because if I called a dish anything other than chicken, I was looked at like I had 2 heads. Daily there were turned up noses at the word pork or veal. So anytime dinner was served, no matter what we were having, it was chicken. Simple.

5) I was good in school. At least that's what I tell THEM. How could I tell them that I skipped so many classes in grade nine that I had a chair with my name on it in the office? The Principal and I were pals. I saw more of him than my homeroom teacher. But to my children, I was the consummate pupil!

6) Yes, your eyes will stay like that!
7) All the vitamins are in the crust.
8) The ice cream truck only plays music to let the children know its run out of ice cream.
9) Spinach gives you muscles and carrots make you see in the dark.

10) If you don't do well in school, you'll grow up to be a Professional Roadkill Remover.

11) Don't swear, if you do you wont have anything to say when you get hurt.

I guess we'd be hard pressed to find a parent that hasn't stretched the truth a tad. It's all for the best and makes for some hilarious confessions later on in life.

Well, I suppose if my kids read this, the jig is up for the Easter Bunny.

Cinnabon Rolls for the Bread Machine

Gotta love the bread machine!

What a time saver... and virtually fool-proof. After searching and searching for the perfect cinnamon bun recipe, I think this is as close as I've gotten. I've tweaked it a bit and think its a pretty good clone for Cinnabon.


You certainly don't need an expensive machine, this little guy does the job just fine.

Dough:

1/4 cup butter, melted

1/4 cup water

1/2 of a (3.4 oz) pkg instant vanilla pudding

1 cup milk

1 large egg, beaten

1 tbsp. granulated sugar

1/2 tsp salt

4 cups bread flour

2-1/2 tsp active dry yeast

1. Place the ingredients in breach machine pan in the order suggested by manufacturer, (usually all wet ingredients first)

2. Select dough setting and start machine.

3. Once cycle is complete, remove dough and set on a lightly floured surface.

4. Roll out dough to approximately 17 x 10 inch rectangle.

Filling:
1 cup brown sugar, packed

2 tbsp all purpose flour

2 tsp ground cinnamon

1/2 cup butter, softened (read below)**

1. Combine the brown sugar, flour and cinnamon, mixing well.

2. Spread softened butter over rolled-out dough

**(I've done this two ways, a)mixing butter in with brown sugar mixture and b) this way by putting butter on dough first. Not sure if there's much of a difference, but I would suggest if you're going to do it this way, to lightly press the brown sugar mixture into the butter with your hands to keep it from falling off while rolling the dough).

3. Sprinkle sugar mixture evenly over top. (press slightly).

4. Roll like jelly roll, pinching edges closed when completely rolled.

**You can roll in either direction depending on how many rolls you want.

5. Slice rolled dough into 1 inch pieces. Place on greased baking pans or use parchment paper. Cover and let rise in a warm place about an hour.

6. Bake at 350*F (175*C) for 15 -20 minutes, until golden brown. Do not over bake.

Frosting:

2 ounces cream cheese softened

2 tbsp butter softened

3/4 cup powdered sugar

1/2 tsp vanilla extract

1-1/2 tsp milk

Combine all ingredients until smooth. Spread onto warm rolls. Makes 16-24 rolls.

Vegetable Centerpiece

Here's a little something I whipped up for a family holiday dinner. It's so easy, anyone can do it. All it takes is a trip to the grocery store.

2 Medium size artichokes
Handful green beans, enough to go around the candle of your choice
1 bundle of asparagus
4 candles, different heights and sizes
Ribbon to go around beans and asparagus
Any fresh flowers in season. Use fall colours for Thanksgiving or spring flowers for Easter!

Hollow out enough of the artichoke to fit the candle of your choice. Put it all together on a fancy plate, or even better, use a flat pedestal dish.

The only tip I can give you is use an elastic while putting beans and asparagus around candle. Place the veggies under the elastic to keep it all together. Put ribbon around the elastic to cover it or remove elastic after tying with ribbon.

Trash to Treasure

As much as I find humour in most day to day things, and find much to write about, I think what I know most about is creativity.

From an early age, thanks to inheriting the artistic gene from my father, I showed an interest in all things creative.

My father was truly an inspired man. He was gifted, innovative and inventive. His artistic capabilities were magnificent.

While he effortlessly put thoughts and images on canvas and paper, I am more accomplished at working with my hands.

I have, in the course of my lifetime, accomplished and/or attempted many things. From roof shingling, to tiling, to grouting, to stripping (floors, that is) to refinishing, cutting, pasting, sawing, nailing, wood carving, jewelry making and flower arranging, to name a few.

During the next few weeks I will be renovating a bathroom and hopefully soon after that a kitchen.

I plan to document my progress here.

Check back to marvel in my accomplishments and revel in my blunders.

(Don't worry I'll have pictures of both.)

Along the way we'll make some interesting household items from ordinary flea market finds or junk in the garage.

Clickers

Since my divorce I have come to realize a few things.

I am not a long-termer. I am picky, anal retentive and definitely need my down time.

I'm big on down time.

So far, since my divorce I dated extensively for roughly 3 years. At the tail end of my serial dating came the man that since stayed with me.

For all intents and purposes, we'll just call him The Clicker.

The Clicker and I have had a wonderful relationship. We've been together almost 6 years now. Six years for Anal Retentive is a long time.

Let's veer off the path a bit and examine the "Anal Retentive" personality, shall we?

Some of the Anal Retentive habits I have are as follows:

-If I see something that strikes me as in the wrong position I have to move it, even if it's on a store shelf.

-I have to sleep with my sheet neatly folded over the blanket and comforter in a straight line.

-I cringe when someone says "Setember" or "Febuary" or "Valentime's Day". Say Liberry instead of Library and I stop breathing for 8 seconds.

-Gobs of toothpaste in the sink irritate me.

-People who brush their teeth and spit on the faucet... perhaps brushing their teeth in the bathtub is the answer if the sink isn't big enough.

-Pictures hung on the wall should be straight and not meant to be viewed only by those 8 ft tall and over.

-The seemingly countless number of remotes I have must be placed in an orderly fashion on the coffee table when the TV is turned off for the night.

-I flush any public toilet with my foot.

-I hate it when people put their napkins on their plate when they finish a meal.

-Further to that, when dining at a restaurant I wont let them take my napkin until I am ready to leave.

-Clutter. Clutter agitates me.

and the list goes on, but I'll end this with ...Clickers.

Who are clickers? People with severe fidget-itis.

Pen clickers. Bottle fidgeting, finger tapping, toe tapping, TV remote fidgeters, ring spinners, hair twirlers, CLICKERS.

The Clicker, (and I love him dearly) is an acute Clicker.

He loves crosswords and sudoku puzzles. He grabs any stray newspaper he can get his hands on and frantically searches for the puzzle page. This, of course, means he has a pen in his hand at any given moment.

HIM:

With pen in hand.....

**click on** **click off** **click on** thinking of answer **click off** **click on** jotting down answer **click off**

ME:

Grinding my teeth.

HIM:

**click on** ** click off**

ME:

Grinding my teeth and rolling my eyes.

HIM:

**click on** .....

ME:

Grabbing the pen, flinging it across the room.

Am I perfect ? Hardly! I have so many faults and flaws my imperfections drives the perfectionist in me insane.

I suppose it's because of all my own shortcomings that I have no room for anyone elses.

As for My Clicker, he's wonderful in every other way.

Fur Face, aka Coco

Some time long ago when my children were young they summoned for a pet, (as most children do).

I accepted the challenge but on a 'let's start small' kinda deal.

We started with gold fish. Isn't that where everyone starts? I must say, our first couple lasted a few months, the second round didn't fare as well, perhaps 3 days, max. The kids loved them.

Next on the list was something a tad larger, maybe with fur this time. Gerbils. Little creatures they could play with, and pet and feed and ... smell.

That went well for a while until the little buggers found a way unbeknownst to me, to open the latch on the cage. Hours and sometimes days were spent trying locate two rodents the size of a large walnut in a 2800 sq. ft. house. No one would dare vacuum until our mission was accomplished.

Sometimes we'd find them in the closet eating away blankets, clothes or paper. Other times it was as easy as watching the comforter move on its own. Little furry lumps under the covers that left us little brown gifts. Eeewwww.

After the rodents died, we graduated to a dog. Brandy was a beautiful Golden Retriever pup. We had Brandy a while, long enough for me to learn that you DON'T buy a dog for your kids, you buy a dog for yourself. Kids are full of promises that are quickly forgotten. A friend of mine took Brandy up north where he lived on a large property with lots of running room for her and stream in the back yard. She was never happier.

Now for Fur Face.

After rants and promises of my own, a few "when pigs fly" and a couple "God should strike me dead's" I threatened the kids within an inch of their lives never to bring another living creature into the house.

**years pass**

Daughter #1 - 20 yrs old decides to bring home a kitten. Enter Fur Face .. aka Coco.

Shes a beaut.. but every ounce of her is trouble. It's funny really, how much personality a cat can have. Shes stubborn and spiteful. Imagine that ? You can't help but love her, but she rules the roost and she knows it.

I figured by writing about it, I might decide to find it all charming.

Whew! I feel better already.