Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Lies I've Told My Children

I'm a good parent. Really I am.

From my early days as a fumbling mother of a newborn I have vowed to be the very best parent I could be. From my perspective that meant caring for, loving unconditionally, teaching right from wrong and of course setting a good example.

It all seemed so easy. But as they got older, curious and inquisitive, things began to get a little more complicated.
It just wasn't so black and white anymore. So this good mother turned into a good liar.

The catalogue of falsehoods:
(well ok, a small sampling)

1) Until my children we're well over the acceptable age of believing, they believed in Santa Claus. My eldest would go to school and INSIST there was a Santa, years after most kids gave up the ghost.
2) The Tooth Fairy existed long after my kids had a full set of adult teeth. ( I kept that one going a little too long).
3) The Easter Bunny's trails of chocolate eggs leading to hidden treasures went until my kids were....... wait..... they still buy into that fib. (although I think they're playing me on this one.)
4) All meat is chicken. I say this and laugh now, but my youngest (who is almost 18) STILL calls all meat chicken. I did this simply because if I called a dish anything other than chicken, I was looked at like I had 2 heads. Daily there were turned up noses at the word pork or veal. So anytime dinner was served, no matter what we were having, it was chicken. Simple.
5) I was good in school. At least that's what I tell THEM. How could I tell them that I skipped so many classes in grade nine that I had a chair with my name on it in the office? The Principal and I were pals. I saw more of him than my homeroom teacher. But to my children, I was the consummate pupil!
6) Yes, your eyes will stay like that!
7) All the vitamins are in the crust.
8) The ice cream truck only plays music to let the children know its run out of ice cream.
9) Spinach gives you muscles and carrots make you see in the dark.
10) If you don't do well in school, you'll grow up to be a Professional Roadkill Remover.
11) Don't swear, if you do you wont have anything to say when you get hurt.
I guess we'd be hard pressed to find a parent that hasn't stretched the truth a tad. It's all for the best and makes for some hilarious confessions later on in life.
Well, I suppose if my kids read this, the jig is up for the Easter Bunny.

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